The Extra Pocket
You will think this has less to do with a pocket and more to do with me falling off a bike, but I promise that this is totally about the discovery of a previously undiscovered extra pocket.
It was such a beautiful day on Friday. Wouldn't you agree? Right? Beautiful day! When I picked Beaux up from school, the weather was just too perfect to resist, so I figured I would prepare a picture-perfect picnic for the two of us. I thought of tender, crispy chicken and the complimenting flavor of potatoes followed by a nice, cool sip of sweet tea...mmmm! Perfect picnic food for perfect picnic weather.
As I unpacked our chicken nuggets and french fries from Burger King, I figured the day couldn't get any better, but, I had to try! So, I asked Bx if he wanted to go for a bike ride after we finished our lunch.
"Woo-hoo!" he said, which is his new way of saying, "Why yes, mother. I would very much like to accompany you on this delightful outing."
After I picked up our gourmet leftovers, I pulled out Rex's bike with Bx's little trailer thingy attached to the back wheel. The trailer is one of those cleverly designed ones that will allow you to tip over without disturbing the innocent child you have no business dragging along behind you.
Well, I made it all the way to the bookstore, where I purchased three books that were sure to make the day even better. I was in the parking lot, not even going anywhere, just attempting to heft myself onto the seat that is hiked to a ridiculous height, when, all of a sudden, the craziest thing happened!
I...
fell...
off!
No, I don't have an explanation for it, and yes, I am aware that I'm slightly older than eight!
Now, this is the part I've been waiting to tell you. The most important part yet!
All my life, I have felt slightly embarrassed of my "granny panties", as the more insensitive type might call them. I have always preferred to call them my "comfy panties" because they don't creep into places they don't belong. I now have an even greater reason to appreciate my mother-of-all-that-is-good-about-underwear underwear.
Friday night, when I arrived at the house after an exhausting wait at the emergency room, I hobbled to my bedroom on my shiny new crutches and popped a pill from my shiny new medicine bottle, then fell into a heap on my bed - where my tired head refused to fall asleep.
An hour later, I finally decided sleep wasn't happening, because the medicine that was supposed to take the pain away, succeeded only in making me an itchy, grouchy mass of tears, and I was afraid I might be keeping Rex awake. A trip to the living room with my new form of transportation was in order, so I rolled oh-so-gracefully out of bed and hitched my armpits over the rubbery-smelling crutches only to discover that I couldn't see where I was going, which meant I needed to take my cell phone (because that's the only flashlight I have) and my pain pills (because who knew how long my pity party in the living room was going to last?). After I had gathered what I needed, I reached down to grasp the crutches and discovered that it is virtually impossible to carry stuff in your hands while at the same time using them to swing your lumbering self around on a pair of metal sticks.
What to do? I did a quick mental check, hoping I had something on me that might double as a pocket. I thought of tucking the phone and the bottle of itching powder disguised as pain relief into the ace bandage around my foot, but decided Rex wouldn't enjoy the screech of a wild banshee. I thought of sticking them in my pajamas, but the huge nightshirt covered with sleeping dwarves and moth holes didn't yield enough elasticity to hold them. I thought of just chunking them down the hall, gimping after them, picking them up, chunking them through the kitchen, gimping after them, picking them up, and finally chunking them into the living room, but I knew for sure Rex would disapprove of that method of delivery.
There was only one thing I could do, so I did it, and it worked! That extra-full seat on my heretofore only comfortable undies offered a perfectly adequate pocket. Even as I thumped erratically down the hall, my phone and pill bottle stayed firmly within the confines of the thick bands of elastic. I arrived at the couch with everything I needed to make it semi-comfortably through the night.
The bad news is that I had forgotten to bring plenty of reading material, so it was a relief to see one of my new books already sitting near my seat in the living room. The good news for next time is that there was still plenty of room in my newly-found extra pocket for a couple hundred pages of literary genius.
I know! GENIUS!!!
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